Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
