I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
