I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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