Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
