no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
