he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
