I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
