Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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