How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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