toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
