you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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