I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
