oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Be still, my beating vagina.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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