you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
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He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
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We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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