she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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