This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
