Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
