I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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