i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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