why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
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