I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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