My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i just made my gag reflex go away.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
