I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
