I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
