I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
