Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
