It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
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Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
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I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
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