i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
