I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
