I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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