My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
