come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
