just come out here and I will go home with you...
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
