get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
