The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize
