can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Just invented taco cereal.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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