Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
