I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
