I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
