Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Randomize
