He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
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