did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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