how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
She said her name was "party"
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
