things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
