I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize