I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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