you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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