Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Who wears a wallet chain?!
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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