I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I feel like abortions should bother me more
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Randomize
