If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
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Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
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Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
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