i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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