i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
