Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
The adults are the big ones right?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
