my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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