I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
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After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
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my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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