he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
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