He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
