I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
