i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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