She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
