I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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