Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Randomize
