she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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