if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
