I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
