Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
