Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
He had one of those small greek statue penises
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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