so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
