My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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