Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
