i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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