Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
