i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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