So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
