in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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