I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
