My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
