I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
