This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
