Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
