That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
