you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
