my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
