two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
only you would photoshop your dick
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
