I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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