You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
